Warning: This article discusses thoughts of what a suicidal or severely depressed person may feel or express. It was written to give a perspective of someone who feels alone or deeply hurt. It is a reminder that people can get caught up living their life not realizing others need help trying to live. If you feel like you need help call 911, a family member, friend, online depression forums to connect with others while remaining anonymous, or any suicide hotline. Visit the resources page for more help options.
Suicidal depression or thoughts of self-harm while depressed can leave you feeling confused when it comes to actions of others. People may say to you to call them or reach out to them if you need to talk, but when you do, they are busy doing other things. It can be frustrating because it looks as if they don’t have the time to care.
They Say They Would Help but Were Never Around
When going through a rough time such as financial or job loss, eviction, the death of a loved one, or whatever the situation may be, you would think you can reach out to someone that can help. After all, some tell you to let them know if you need something and you assume they will try and help. But when they are busy living their life it seems what they told you went out the window.
Why would you tell me to let you know if I need something to reach out to you only for you to not be available? It bites when you call them repeated and can’t get through, but you learn they were on Facebook recently raving about the latest video or news to go viral. WTF?!? You have time to get on social media to share stuff, but you don’t have time to answer my call? Really?
You Get the Impression You Really Are Alone in the World
You can debate this concept all you want, but it can be challenging to think someone cares when it’s hard to get a response. Is it true no one else cares? Some who are deeply depressed may feel like it is better to just be quiet about their issues. Maybe God is the only one that cares? You may feel like He left you alone too! After multiple tries of reaching out some feel, they are better left to be alone. It may not lead to self-harm, but it further supports the concept of being alone in the world. It is not any better when you have to be in an environment (such as work or home), and you don’t have the support you wish you had because such people make you feel inferior when you try to speak about what is wrong.
You Feel Like They Really Don’t Have a Clue
People experience struggles, but the magnitude of it is what makes one different from another. While some may understand what you’re going through, in the end, they just don’t have a clue. It can be hard to find the right words to express your despair. You feel so tired you don’t want to explain, but you just want the presence of a human. There are strong emotions of sadness and hurt when trying to get someone else to understand. After a while of trying to connect with someone and being unsuccessful because they were too busy with what is going on in their life, you wonder if they will ever come around to gaining understanding; if they only knew.
The Expectation Gets Replaced with More Pain
You expect to talk to whoever you’re trying to reach, but you don’t get to talk at all. Just when you feel like things are getting intense, you expect to get in touch with someone. But instead, you feel more pain or hurt. You get overwhelmed by the feeling of rejection even though no one has told you “no.” You may not realize you’re experiencing an impulse, but you know you want to get rid of the pain because you’re tired of suffering. Do you let yourself keep hurting or do you keep trying to reach out someone?
Special Note: If you are feeling suicidal seek professional assistance. There are helpful sources online providing advice on how you can help yourself deal with suicidal thoughts. There are healthy ways to cope with sadness and feelings of self-harm can be worked out to help you see the purpose in living.